Second Wind

Not too long ago I made a post about Life Support and what options are out there.

Little did I know that I had any. Trust me I was so against it and honestly I still am, but its not just me who I have to think about but my two daughters and what is best for them. They cannot loose me, not yet. I HAVE to keep fighting, for them, for Richard. I have to find a way to keep on keeping on!!

One big question was, at what point does a tracheotomy happen? Why are they done? Is it an option? Knowing me I am the queen of research. I will spend hours looking up information until my head explodes! I want to know EVERYTHING. That way I can make a decision, but I can also advocate for myself in the event my doctor is against it, is unsure, etc. If I was going to go all in I needed to be sure I had all my facts. I needed to be sure this was what I truly wanted.

My decision to even research a trach didn't just suddenly change. My respiratory therapist helped eased my mind. She was someone I absolutely needed in my life at absolutely the right time. I had no plans for life support, I had no plans to even use the AVAP, yet here I am! She's my angel! She brought so much normalcy into my world around such an area that scared me that made me so uncertain, but somehow she put me at ease. She explained things to me in a way that made it seem less scary and just an ordinary medical procedure and medical equipment and I was just WAY over thinking things like most of us do when we don't know something. Our anxiety goes into hyperdrive.

One evening I was looking up info and I came across a YouTube account under the name Life on a Vent (go check her out). She is amazing. She has been living on life support for 4 years. She gave me so much hope. I felt ok and more confident with a tracheostomy.

I have decided that I would try long term life support with a tracheostomy, because after all I will without a doubt die without it. And even if I die after a tracheotomy at least I died trying, I least I gave it my all instead of nothing. I am going all in. If a tracheostomy buys me more time, then its more time I get with my family. My kids don't have to loose their mom.

This is just another part of my journey, another page. I get to keep on going.

Who knows, maybe I get another year. But it's a reminder to keep fighting even if we feel we can't. 💜

So Monday the 18th, I have an appointment with my surgeon, same one who did my other two surgeries to go over the details. I'm sure my surgery will be scheduled that day. I'm so glad and thankful he'll be doing it since he knows me well. He's knows of my medical history or how well I handle post op care and pain, etc.

I will be blogging more about trachs and this process, feelings, etc. Please do not hesitate to ask questions about anything. Seriously I am an open book 💜

Let's keep hope a live!! Like I keep saying I'm not done till I say I'm done, I still have so much fight left in me! Let's do this!! 💪 🦄🦓🫁💕