Surviving through life

Diary of a Unicorn
7 minutes ago
4 min read

February 1, 2026

Hello my beautiful friends. I hope this finds you well.

I can’t believe it’s 2026. 2025, started off great. I had a great job that I really loved, and in January I began a paramedic program. I never doubted that I would stop my training at EMT, and I would keep going. I always wanted to learn more. Even though I never got to finish the program, I am so happy I started. My first love will always be with respiratory just because of my own personal experiences with it. It’s funny because a month before the reaper would be after me, I thought about changing my studies to Respiratory Therapy and asked how to do that. I decided to finish the paramedic program before deciding what to do. I knew for a fact I wanted to do more critical care.

Not long after I started having chest pains. I thought my body would get over it and I’d be right back at work. I also knew it was a matter of time before my lungs took me out. It took my boss yelling at me to go to the ER and get checked out that I actually went. If it weren’t for the phone call I would have waited it out, and returned to work when I felt well enough to do so. Not this time. On my last day of work I had a feeling my time was over. I set in the back of ambulance 59, and cried. I was so grateful for those I got to help, those I helped smile on their worst days, those who I held their hand to comfort. I was thankful for ever being given the chance I had. I was right, that was my last time on an ambulance.

April 2025 I went to the ER. It wasn’t just my lungs failing but the chest pain I was having that had me crying into a pillow the pain was so bad. I learned the right side of my heart was failing and over working because my lungs weren’t working

as they should. My BP was 180/121…. It’s like putting your car in over drive, knowing it needed to be looked at, or just rest before it died. I’ve always pushed myself to do the best I could, be the best I could. The rest would sort itself out. I quickly got my advanced directive together. I had to leave the job I loved.

I entered hospice May 2025, and have been in it since. At first before meds were sorted out, I was given 2 days to maybe a week before my lungs or heart stopped. First thing was finding a way to allow my lungs to relax because that would allow my heart to not work so hard. As I usually do I did so much research. I’m not leaving this planet without a fight. I still have pain, chest pain and pain when breathing at times. I’m finally on medications that help. I believe it’s what’s buying me extra time now. My body doesn’t have the energy it used to have, but I learned of ways to decrease the metabolic acidosis, ways I can reverse it in a way.

It’s not a life saver but a double-edged sword. As my lungs will fail and the metabolic acidosis will worsen but if I can help in not letting the acid increase which will then cause changes in my PH. It can help me buy some time, but it’s not something that can cure me or make me better. I am dying, I just don’t have a time frame any more.

I got to see my daughters’ birthdays, they get me for another Christmas. Because this time I’m not connected to machines or going to doctors appointments every week, I don’t think they believe how sick I am. While I don’t ever want them to see me like they did years ago, I don’t want to give them false hope because I am here and seem fine that I’m going to be ok. I know how hurtful and confusing that will be later on. For now I’m thankful I’m here, I’m thankful to be breathing, I’m thankful I get to watch my children grow up.

I’m thankful for Richard who has been my primary caretaker. Making sure I get meds, caring for the girls, cooking, cleaning and working. I do help out with laundry and washing the dishes when I’m up to it, I spend my days more on the quiet side, and have various projects I work on. Because I’m out of work, and the prices of everything have increased again it seems, we’ve been struggling. We’re slowly figuring out a plan that works.

Hello 2026! I still sleep a lot and I never know how much energy I have. There’s days I wake up only to go right back to sleep till 8pm. I have no clue why or how I survived last year, because honestly I shouldn’t be here. I guess my time isn’t over and the universe still needs me. If you ask me why I’m still a live, why I said I was dying, and left work, and everything, trust me I wasn’t looking good, every test, how I was at the time painted a very bad picture. I am more thankful to be here today. The only thing I want in life is to raise my kids and see them turn 18.

My lungs and heart are still not in the best shape, so my life is consumed by quiet days and just listening to be body. I have decided to reopen a Shoptify store. Etsy is great but it’s not what I want. I want to be able to sell anything and everything I want. I’ve decided to also blog within my website. People can know what I’m working on or how I’m doing. I can list the jewelry I make a long with my embroidery, and other little things I make. I can offer discounts without Etsy being on my back or having to follow what they do. I’m only able to list but so much on there, and that’s not for me. I’m excited to see where this leads me.